few more hours..
and i'd be 18. but..
wud it make any difference at all? no it wun.
18.. legal age. to smoke, drink, get a license, club and all. but..
i dun need all tht. i dun want all tht anymore.
i jus want em to accept him. pls..
i love him. i love his family. i love my family.
i love this relationship. this love.
my birthday wish.. to be with him, my family and his family all together.
can i hav this wish pls, ALLAH.. pls..
no one can ever understand us.
no one wil ever understand how deep our love is.
no one wil believe it when i say you're changed. you're sweet. you care.
no one wil help us. they'll keep trying to separate us. always.
but..
trust me. i'll always be there. for you.
i'll always love you. i wun leave you. i can't.
u wud too, wudnt you? i know u will.
i love you, honey. no matter wad comes.. no matter wad pulls us down..
we'll always be together. we'll fight it. we'll fight em. together.
and.. insyaallah.
we will succeed. yes. we will.
AMIN.
he's back! back from the woods of lim chu kang. his three day combat-fit thingy ends today morning at ard 4 plus am. and so we met in the evening and ordered his grandmama's birthday cake for saturday.
back at home.. trying to fit in as many songs as i could for iffa's new IPOD. yea.. she got herself an IPOD days ago.. but i can barely reach half the number of songs she asked for.. merely cuz my mp3 downloading software SUCKS! BIG TYME! could only get a few.. SOWIEE..
1 message received..it was from him..
ehk, aku dah sampai kat boat quay nye 711.. aku ngan pompan aku. kau kat mane?damn it.. was tht msg really meant fer me? or was it... SHITS. he's at boat quay wid some gurl he declares.. pompan dier? OH GOD. my whole body temperature rose immediately. DAMN IT. i was angry.
i called him. once.
number busy, call rejected. called again.
"my batt's flat, i'll cal u back." he was in a hurry.
"where are you?" i asked.
"i'll cal u back!" his voice was not clear, like he was covering the mic of his phone.
"where are you!!?" i kept on asking.
"at home, sleeping." WTF. tht was a lie.
i decided to hang up since he's not gonna tell me the truth. he called back. i hang up. called again. i hang up. again.
called again.
his residential number. maybe his family. picked up. his voice! he is AT HOME!
i was relieved fer tht moment. but he was angry cuz i kept rejecting his last calls. damn it. well.. it was actually a false alarm. haha.. shit him. he wanted to play a trick on me. but i got serious and he got angry in the end. *sigh*
hmm.. well tho it made my heart stopped beating fer a while, it was kinda cute tho. hehe..
i love him. i jus do.
LoVe..
consists in
desiring to GiVe
what is our own
to another and FeeLiNg
his delight and burden
as our own.
and dis is why i decided to back off and stay at home.
school ends at 3 today. plan is.. to catch a movie together wid mates at J8. but didnt. for obvious reasons.. he's out derre in e wet, wild lim chu kang forest and im out herre planning to hav fun? no no no .. dats not ryte. it jus doesnt feel ryte. at all. it was my decision to back off. all mine and none of his. so here i am rotting in front of e comp updating dis. *hehe*
gues amanda and some of my mates were angry at me and sheila fer backing off after ibnu bought e tix.. sorry!! my bad. if derre's anything i could do, i'd be happy to.
and oh amanda.. u angry huh? i was joking really. forgive me lar.. talk to me k.. i really didnt mean to hurt ya gurl..
anyways.. im feeling so sleepy at dis stupid hr.. im gonna crash fer a while before dinner.. chaoz!!
gues its true wen pple say,
"when new stuffs come, they forget the old stuffs." "friends come and go."
oh well.. gues its jus the way life is. gues there can NEVER be a perfect best friend. *sigh*
my 'combat-fit' army boy is going to e jungle tomoro!! haha.. all the best uh! hopefully he wun need another IV after dat!
incredible tales is making me go nuts!! im not gonna be able to sleep FOR SURE!! thanks.. anyway i believed the story. not cuz they say its a true story. but cuz dad experienced the same shit too. yrs ago. and i can vaguely remember the incident cuz i was in my primary school yrs at tht tyme.. ok forget abt dis ghost shit thing!!
i promise you from e bottom of my heart, i wil nvr pierce again, go out w/o ur approval, go clubbing, drink, make a tattoo anymore. well.. he's been good so far. but.. i dunno if all these promises wil last. im not hoping fer anything tho.
when ur in love wid him, u dont see his imperfections. all u know is.. he is the one and only perfect hunk in dis world. no other. he's e sweetest. he's e most romantic. he's e most caring. even tho he hurt you a few tymes.. he's stil e best.
no matter how angry u are, no matter how much u hate him fer wad he did, no matter how much u dun trust wad he say, u know u stil love him. very much. i do.
there's no more ais an mantaro. we bid em goodbye.
and let's say hello to.... AISYAH & MUHAMMAD QAMARUZZAMAN!
derre is no more us. no more bonnie and clyde. no more ais and mantaro. so many things hav changed. too many things i've heard. i decided to end it. but ..
am i doing e ryte thing? is his denial true? is evryone jus trying to break us up? even my own cuzzin? no way. ALLAH.. if wad i heard and wad others say is not ryte, pls.. let me hear no evil. but.. if all dat i heard is true, pls ALLAH.. show me e real truth. in my face.
i hav chose to leave. and if dis is ryte, lemme move on day by day. but, if it is not, show me wads ryte, ALLAH..
i stil love him. i always hav and i always wil. even now..
love is..
much more to love than just words.
love is..
much more than to say you love.
when you love someone,
love from the heart,
cuz love is the sun.
love is the answer,
for every question.
just ask yourself why.
love is the key,
to open the door,
when it close at your face.
love shows u the way,
when you are lost,
and cant find your way.
love is..
much more to love than just words.
love is..
much more than to say you love.
im getting fat! NO!! aiyo! evrytime i look into e mirror, dats wad i see. EeEeEe!! why am i getting fat? uRgH!
went out wid mama today. to geylang. jus went out and ate and stufs. not long tho cuz i had to be home before 9pm. bought durians fer family and all. NaisH! reached home at abt 845pm. hubby was out. wid frens. thot he'd come along wid us. HaisH.. frens more impt la i gues now. nemind la.. my mouth zipped.
wanted to buy notes from skool today but didnt cuz woke up kinda late. so i gues hafta rush to e shop on monday quick or i wun get e notes for sure. it gets sold out fast!
few more secs and sheila's 18! hehe.. jus remembered. ib reminded me actually. wad do i get fer her now dat im broke. haha! anyway, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, SHEILA!! CONGRATULATIONS! u can now drink, club, smoke legally.. jealous la aku! hehe..
my days of going back and forth SGH are finally over. 1st july. dat marks e end of my many weeks of attachments in
SGH, WARD 64A, RENAL. had both fun and hell there! but, oh well.. i survived. i survived being bullied by SN JAMALIAH.
hate her. i survived my whole VTP posting wid samantha. we did almost evrything together. EVRYTHING! from taking parameters to changing freaking smelly diapers!
URGH! in short, we went thru shits together. we went thru hell together. got caught together! haha.. THANKS, SAMMY!
skool reopens on e 4th of july. dats wen my days of waking up as early as 9am begins. not dat bad, tho. but, e fact dat skool's gonna end so late is making me sick. very sick. plus e no-more-long breaks in between! phew.. dats exhausting. but despite all dat am stil looking forward to skool! for sure.
me and hubby? we'd been good. tho derre are sad changes after wad happened, i love him to e max!
