will i ever find e way to trust my baby?
will i ever be able to trust him? ever?
when will i ever stop doubting his love for me?
when will i stop being suspicious of him?

i dunno.
mebe nt nw.
mebe nt ever.
but i hope one day.
one day, i wud be in peace.
i wud be able to love and trust him.
like he did.

i am guilty for my own conscience.
for my own foolish act.
and for my own suspicious accusations.
my instincts dun work as gd as before nwadays.

i kept diving into bad conclusions.
day after day.
and evry single tym i do,
i hurt my love one.
making him tink he's worthless.
making him tink he's gd for nothin.
im bad.
i know.

and im sorry.

he totally left me out.
he didnt drop me a cal.
didnt drop me an sms.
didnt even bother to reply either.

dis is really disappointing.
waiting and waiting..
thts all im doing ryte nw.

shud i cal him?
shud i jus dun bother?
wad do i do?
oh god. help me.

is dis wad i really want?
is he wad i really am looking for?
do i really want my life to be like dis?

today i'd be smiling and laughing wid him.
today he might be e most sweetest man on earth.
today he might hav poured me wid evry
little sweet nothings i always wanted.
but evrything wud be different e next day.

we wud be arguing e very next day.
he wud be ignoring me e next day.
i wud be jus nobody to him e next day.

why??
why is dis happening to me for one whole yr?
and why am i stil holding on tho it hurts so damn much?
why am i stil luving him so much to let go?
and why must he be coming bck to me
if he plans to continue hurting me again??
why??

yesterday i was fooled.
i was ignored.
i was played out again.
today i doubt he wud cal.
i doubt he wud even giv a damn abt me.

i want all dis hurtful tings to STOP.
pls!!
stop hurting me.
stop being so mean.
stop being so selfish.
stop being so unfair to me.
im ur gurl, for god's sake.

leave me alone if u plan to hurt me.
leave me alone if u plan to forget me.
leave me alone if u dun plan to care at all.
leave me pls..

im on e verge of giving up.
and wen i do..
i know u wud be grinning for u hav won.
i know u wud be smiling for u r free.
but..

im holding bck all my emotions ryte nw.
i fear to hav mistook u.
but im sure my woman instincts are ryte.
ur lying.

aku maseh mara nih!!
mcm nk maki je!!
mcm nk tumbok2 je!!!!
eeee!!!! ggeerraaaamm nye!!!!
ah pantat lar!!!
ape aku nk bt ni!!?!
ah klua pn cantik ar!!!!!!!
malas ar aku nk pikir2 sal org mcm tuh!!
kurang asam btol!!!!!!!!!
ah sak ar!!!!

skrg aku tgh boring gile babi.
aku bingit. boring. saket hati. mara.
segale2 prasaan lah!!

somebody jus help me kill him out derre.
urgh!!!! argh!! ahh!! ggeerraaammm!!!!!!!!!!!
pantat lah!!! pegi lah!!
jgn balek pon tkpe ar!!!!!
aku tk heran ar !!!!!!
kau nk bt ape kau pi buat ar!!!!
kau nk pi enjoy kau pi lah enjoy!!!!!!!!
lupekan aku !!!
aku ggeerrrrraaaaammmmmm dgn kau tau!!!!!
tak berhati!! tak berperut!!
ah bole blah lah kau!!!!!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BENCI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aku bingit!!
aku bingit gile babi!!
korg bayangkan lar..

aku mengidam nk makan mee rebus.
die kate nk p makan breakfast p mkn mee rebus dgn aku.
dh lah bgn lmbt tk jadi p breakfast. tk jadi jumpe lagi.
tkpe aku klua je tunggu mane tau tukar plan mkn lunch je.
tu pon tk sak!!
die kate tkde duit nk trun sini jumpe aku.
pantat lar!!

dh lah tu aku tetap tunggu sampai dlm kul 3.
maseh tk trun. aku cal ingat die kt mane.
dh nk sampai ke ape ke. ni tak !!
die maseh pat umah.
bile aku tny trun ke tak,
kate tak tau.
pantat lar tak tau!! nk ke tnk?? tu je aku tny.

dh lah gitu..
satu ari tk cal, tk msg, tk heran kan aku.
sak btol!
den msg aku stakat nk kasi tau aku yg die nk klua??!!
nk klua??!!
klua dgn kwn! p peninsula! jln2 lagi!
siak ar!?!?
ohh jumpe aku stakat trun yishun tk bole!!
jumpe kwn2 trun p PENINSULA bole!!
tk bingit ke kalau matair korg buat tu mcm??
ni bukan matair.
ni jantan yg sungguh tk berperikemanusian langsung!!
dh lah slalu klua bkn nk ajak aku!!
argh!!! ah!!!! aku dh malas lah slalu kene mcm ni!!!
bole jln lah kau!! aku dh malas!!!!!!!
AH SUDAH LAH KAU!!!!

and so i waited.
thot he wud come dwn here.
but not.

disappointment again he gav me.
i give up.
i wun wait.
i wun hope.
anymore.

fuck u lionel.

fuck ur face.
fuck ur presence.
fuck u.

i had no mood for skul.
no mood for classes.
no mood for anything today..

didnt quite knw why actually.
well im feeling a bit alryte nw..
my eyes r alredy kinda tired nw.

updates.
me and my baby..
we r doing jus fine. relationship's gd.
fytes here and derre but manageable.

me and frens..
we r gud. frens been supportive wen in trouble.
iffa's been having a chaotic experience wid her ejam.
sheila's been having bad communications wid her ray.
nurul's been showered wid wonderful surprises eversince.
they all hav their own life ryte.
im jus derre to listen and worry. esp sheila..
*haiz*

all in all..
its been a balance period of guds and bads.
!!equal!!
*peace*

announcement!! announcement!!

ais is back! and will be posting full updates
of her stuffs real soon!!

so bersabar semua! dan jumpe lagi lain kali.
see u guys real soon!!

!!i will be back!!

god.
mum & dad.
family.
friends. best friends.
e past..
dat made me who i am
today. and..
the present.

ais. 21.
live to love
& to be loved.
v simple lady.
nvr asks for anything.
jus happiness.
life so far is just good.

nurul
ibnu
din
aza
syaz
baizurah
Su
shuping
alberto
nurayyan
meiyi
mel
manda
mainey
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